Happy Pancreas

So this is more of an update, based on what I was talking about a couple of "posts" ago.

Today was the first day on my program to check weight and measurements. I was dreading today, as it really hadn't felt like I had progressed a whole lot.

Granted, my blood sugars have been AMAZING since I started. They've completely stabled out, and I've cut my insulin needs almost in half. Which, in fairness, is fantastic. So when I pulled out the measuring tape, and stepped on the scale, I kept thinking "no matter what, my pancreas is happy".

The number on the scale was higher than I'd hoped, but lower than when I started - down 3lbs.

So I started doing my measurements, thinking that there wasn't much change. To my surprise, I'd lost an inch or two in every spot I needed to measure - 19 inches overall. 

So in 11 days, I'm down 3lbs, down 19 inches, and have had the most stable blood sugars I've ever had, with less insulin.

Not as bad as I thought.

Happy Birthday!

Six years ago, my life had quite a few life-changing moments. I married my sweetheart. Bob lost his job. I got pregnant - twice. I miscarried - twice... It was an emotional roller-coaster of a year! The good things were incredible, the bad things were heartbreaking. 

In the midst of an intense time in our lives, I made an emotional decision - A PUPPY! 

Something to bring joy when we were sad; something to take care of and dote upon; something that would love us unconditionally. A dog we could go for walks with, watch tv with, and even bring to work as a therapy dog.

It took some major convincing, but I managed to get Bob to agree to consider the idea.

When I found the ad on kijiji, I told myself that we were just going to meet the breeder, see the puppies, and take our time making a decision. We thought we were going to look at a little red, goldendoodle, girl puppy. As we drove for over an hour to get there, we tossed around potential names, and agreed on absolutely nothing. 

When we arrived at the home of the breeder, we were told that the red puppy had been sold, and there were only two apricot boy puppies left. 

She plopped a puppy in each of our arms and we were done.

It was love at first sight! 

The big question at that point wasn't "will we get a puppy?" but "which puppy will we choose?"

They looked identical. Little fluff balls of white and blonde fur. Curly hair around their ears, dark eyes full of emotion, and as friendly as could be. How could we choose? 

Bob remembered something he'd been told about judging a puppy's temperament. Taking turns with each puppy, he flipped each puppy on its back in his arms. One puppy squirmed and fought to get right-side up. One puppy just let him, allowing Bob to rub his belly. 

We had a winner! 

First night home

As we were preparing to go home, the breeder mentioned that, because of his fur type, our new dog would be prone to dreadlocks if his fur got long. Bob looked at me, and said "if he can have dreds, we gotta name him Marley". It was perfect. So we had our puppy, and he had a name. 

This was quite the venture for two people who'd never been dog owners before. 

He brought to our lives the things we wanted: joy, humour, cuddles, and comfort. He also brought frustrations: chewed up shoes, chewed up baseboards, turned over bathroom garbage, and missing socks. 

Treat?!

4 months old

Play?!

The next year was a huge learning curve, but thankfully Marley proved to be the best dog for our little family. He learned not to chew shoes or baseboards. We learned to close the bathroom door and keep dirty laundry out of reach. 

guarding the house from squirrel attacks

He likes to go for walks, but loves car rides more. He's scared of dogs bigger than he is, but will pretend to be brave if he's a good distance away. He'd love to play with cats, if they'd just let him get close enough. He likes to watch tv, and actually has favorite shows. He'd much prefer to be inside with people than outside with another dog. He's incredibly friendly, and loves any sort of attention. He has a bladder of steal, and has only ever "gone" in the house when he was sick. He is always on "squirrel watch". He will do ANYTHING for peanut butter, and comes running at the sound of the lid opening. He likes to play, but is genuinely not good at it. He has NO idea how big he is. Bob is his best friend, and I am his favorite. He has a 6th sense when it comes to knowing when someone needs to be comforted or cared for. 

watching a movie with me on the bed when I was healing from surgery

Was it a rash decision to get a puppy when we did? Sure. Was it wise? Probably not. 

Do we regret it? Not one bit. 

It's been 6 years, and I can't imagine our home without him!

Happy birthday Marley! 

Best. Dog. Ever.

The Reset Button

For as long as I can remember, I've struggled with body image/weight issues.Thankfully, I've learned that my personal value doesn't rest in what I weigh, but I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't affect how you feel. It can be frustrating, sad, and painful. 

I've had some success at times, but always seemed to slip back into old habits. I've joined gyms, gotten personal trainers - which worked, but ended up being something I couldn't continuously afford or fit into my ever-changing work schedule. I tried Herbal Magic, which worked, but I had to stop losing weight so my wedding dress would fit, and I never picked up where I left off after the wedding. I tried AquaFit, which worked, but I became lazy, and stopped going to the 6am classes. (Sleeping was a much more appealing option)

I swore off spending money on anything for a while, and tried to do things on my own. I didn't want to include anyone in my process, just in case I failed. I researched diet plans, figured out what I needed for my body type, vowed to exercise more - even convinced Bob that we should get a puppy so that I'd be forced to walk more (HA... Marley is the KING of napping). We changed how we grocery shopped, but with my busy work schedule, convenience often won out over quality. So I continued to keep my struggles quiet, and fairly private. 

Then there was pregnancy. Shortly after getting married, I experienced 2 miscarriages, the second one leaving me with diabetes (initially gestational, but didn't go away, triggering Type 2). 

Two years later I got pregnant, and carried to full term, only to suffer through a stillbirth, which happened again this past October. Not only does this play absolute havoc on your body, it does a number on your emotions as well. Grief, depression, and exhaustion can build up, and camp out right around your belly. 

I'm not saying all this to make anyone feel sorry for me, or to excuse my weight issues for any reason - only to give context to where I'm coming from. 

After this last pregnancy, I've noticed that my body seemed to be rebelling more than usual - aches, pains, sickness... And not normal, run-of-the-mill stuff. Weird symptoms, in weird places. 

Yes, part of it is that I'm getting older, but it's mostly things that I KNOW to be preventable! I knew that I had to do something, and not procrastinate any more. But it's easy to feel defeated when you've tried so much and failed - especially when your body isn't as it used to be. What worked ten years ago may not work the same now. It's an odd mixture of fear of known failure, and fear of UNKNOWN failure. 

Something I've been learning lately is that things are never as bad as you make them out to be in your mind. Even the most awful, horrible thing, is often not AS bad as you imagine it to be. You don't always fail. And even if you do, you just get up and try again. You get through things and move on. 

That being said, it sure would be nice if there was just a big, ol' red "reset" button.... Ideally, one that was simple, and easy, and had instant results! 

Recently, a friend of mine started a program that really has been working for her, and the more she told me about it, the more I got thinking that this could be my real-life chance to "reset". 

Not an "EASY" button. 

Not an "instant" button. 

But a chance to load my system with all the "good-for-you" things I've been depriving myself of, in order to kick-start healthy habits that are realistic and attainable. 

So I've decided to ignore the fears, to stop trying to do things alone, and to just do it. If I don't just bite the bullet and try SOMETHING, I will try nothing. 

Nothing is always worse. Nothing has been chipping away at my health for years. 

I'm on day three of a 30-day goal, and so far, so good. There are shakes and supplements and vitamins and meal plans -- most of which I'm finding interesting and enjoyable! (we'll see how I feel in a week, LOL)

If I focus on 30 days at a time, the big-picture goal doesn't seem so daunting.

Day One... almost

So here I am... attempting to blog once again. I started one about 10 years ago, but never remembered to keep up with it, so it sort of fell by the wayside. 

This time is a little different. 

Ten years ago, starting a blog is just what you did. It was trendy and cool, and proved to the world just how creative you could be. And to be fair, there are a LOT of blogs out there that are just that - people who found an amazing outlet for their literary creativity. They had something to say, and were able to contribute to the discussion of whatever topic they had chosen with wise, witty, and/or wonderful musings.

So I tried. And I got bored. I couldn't focus long enough to write anything that I felt was worthwhile.

See, ten years ago, even though my life was full of stories to tell, and I was learning new and wonderful things, I don't think that I was in a place where I was able to fully reflect and ARTICULATE much. I was so busy living and learning, that my brain wouldn't slow down for the processing.

Lot's of things can happen in ten years.

Enough, in fact, that now I understand the value of taking the time to process and share. 

Will I be able to articulate things any better, or say more than I did ten years ago? Who knows! But I'm hoping, as I start to use this blog to sort out thoughts and express ideas, that I learn.